Shiva
Shiva is the first, intense stage of
mourning. Meaning seven in Hebrew, shiva is observed for
seven days after the burial. The first day of shiva is the
day of the burial. The last day of shiva traditionally ends
shortly after morning prayers (shacharit) are recited.
During shiva, members of the immediate family (a parent,
sibling, spouse or child) stay inside and are comforted by visitors.
Traditionally, these visitors also help form the minyan for morning
and afternoon prayers.
Although Shabbat is counted as one of the days of shiva,
some rituals of shiva are not observed on Shabbat.
For example, the torn garment or ribbon is not typically worn on Shabbat.
Those who usually attend synagogue will leave the house to attend
prayers on Shabbat during shiva. Formal mourning
resumes at nightfall on Saturday, when Shabbat ends.
The timing of shiva when there is a holiday may vary.
Traditionally, shiva was ended when a holiday fell within the seven
days. For example, if a burial occurred three days before Rosh
Hashanah, shiva would end at sunset on the night before Rosh
Hashanah as if the full seven days of shiva had been
observed. It’s best to consult a rabbi or funeral director if a
burial occurs near a holiday.
Shiva is usually observed in the home of the person who
has died or of a close relative. Traditionally, when mourners return
to the house after the funeral and burial, they light a candle that
burns for the entire seven days. The candle symbolizes the soul of
the deceased and the light of God. It is similar to the one that is
lit annually at Yahrzeit, the Jewish calendar anniversary of the
death.
After returning from the cemetery, mourners traditionally eat a
meal of condolence. This includes eggs, symbolizing fertility and
life, and bread, symbolizing life and sustenance. Usually, friends
and neighbors provide the food for this and other meals during shiva.
It’s a mitzvah – a good deed – to bring food to
mourners as it relieves them of some of their everyday duties.
Traditionally, mirrors are covered in a shiva house showing that
the mourners have withdrawn from worldly concerns such as their
personal appearance. In some homes this tradition is not followed or
is symbolically observed by covering only the front entrance mirror.
In one tradition, mourners sit on lower chairs then their
visitors. They are not meant to be uncomfortable but simply lower
than the others. Of course, mourners are free to walk around the
house, stand, lie down or sit as they please. Traditionally, the
mourner does not rise to greet a visitor regardless of the
importance of the visitor. In some customs, the mourners refrain
from wearing leather shoes. Some wear shoes of canvas or cloth.
Others wear no shoes at all during shiva. Visitors may wear
whatever footwear is appropriate, but should not wear non-leather
shoes unless appropriate with the outfit worn.
Mourners should expect many visitors during shiva, as
one of the most important mitzvot for others is to pay a
condolence call. Visitors are expected to console the mourners and
let the mourners lead the conversation. For those conducting morning
and evening prayers at the shiva house, visitors were
necessary to ensure a minyan at these services. Usually,
gifts or flowers are not brought to a mourner but food is almost
always welcome. Some people make donations to a favorite charity in
the name of the deceased.
During shiva, the mourners traditionally do not leave the house,
work or visit others. This is one reason for the need for a minyan
in a traditional shiva house; the prayers that normally
would be said in synagogue are said at the person's home. When
mourners arrive at synagogue on the first Shabbat after the
burial, they are welcomed with the traditional greeting, "May
God comfort you along with all the mourners of Zion and
Jerusalem."
At the end of shiva – the mourners may walk once
around their block. This symbolizes they are ready to resume daily
life. Although they are not yet finished mourning, they have ended
the first stage of mourning.
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